Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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