You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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