i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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