You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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