I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
