remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
