flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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