I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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