I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
