She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
