i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
