What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
