If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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