tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
