Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
