she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This is classic penis vs brain.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
