No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
