I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
