Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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