we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
