it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
