girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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