I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well you can't waste a boner
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
