I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
