I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
