Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
