I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
