theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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