My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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