We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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