so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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