So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
