I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I want a musical about memes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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