OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
