I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
