So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
