my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
