His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
