Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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