Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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