We're like a lot better than the average bears
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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