Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
