i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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