During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
