Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
