I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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