Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
