The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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