Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Are we in a gay sports bar?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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