Someone shit on the floor
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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