We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
