I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
